Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
— Oscar Wilde.
This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
Interest
My sister has been sewing and making amazing dresses for a long time now.
For all those years and till date, she had always offered to teach me like a million times but, I never showed interest.
I remember this time I finally agreed to learn but guess what, I showed up at her space with a pillow and blanket.
She gave this sarcastic laughter and I did too because deep down, I knew I wasn’t serious.
Anytime she has a lot of work, she always wish I could help.
There was this time she traveled for months and I had an event to attend plus, I needed an outfit.
I don’t know how to control a sewing machine or even cut a fabric. I had chances to learn but I wasn’t interested.
Few weeks back, she was working on some dresses and she gave me a scissors and a fabric to help cut out some petals.
It was a very easy thing to do but I couldn’t do it and then I realized we only get better at things when we put in more effort and show some level of interest.
My story balls down to ourselves as humans.
There are things we do effortlessly and see results immediately but, there are things we put more effort in but because the interest we have in it is very low, we do not always get it right or see the kind of results we need.
Our Jobs, businesses, skills, friendships, relationships, projects, and so many other things suffer at some point because the interest we should have on them is not there.
Interest makes one wants to learn, explore, and express creativity in different spheres.
You get to connect with people with shared interest as you.
You develop new interests, you always become eager to show the world what you can do, what you’ve learnt, and how you could solve problems through your creativity.
It’s never too late to explore or learn.
Be intentional about it.
Do not be afraid or feel timid out there.
YOU CAN DO IT RIGHT❤️
Pressure
In our society today, 80% of young people go through different kinds of pressure.
Pressure from the society, family, social media, and peer groups.
It feels like there are medals kept somewhere for the best or first person to make great achievements at a certain age.
Young people tend to go extra mile in other to reach a certain milestone.
As a young person, you wake-up to your friends achievements on social media daily.
You see them living the lifestyle you’ve always wished to live.
You see their families, jobs, businesses, and other luxuries in your face daily and you begin to feel inadequate.
On the other hand, there’s also pressure from your family.
There’s high expectation in every area of your life from them.
You are expected to be able to provide for them, get married at a certain age, be like your friends, and be comfortable not minding how you would achieve all of those things.
Then your friends. You try by all means to fit in not considering the things you need to do to meet up to those standards.
A lot of young people go into illegal activities, start living an unhealthy lifestyle, go into bad marriages, unhealthy relationships, just to fit into what the society, family, or friends expects them to fit into.
So many young people start to have low self esteem, go into depression, make unhealthy decisions just to be recognized or seen.
Everyone has a path or a season that is different from another.
What works for Mr B might not work for Mr C.
It gets really hard sometimes but, you need to trust the process and believe in yourself.
People’s comments or speech should not determine what you do or how you should do it.
You are doing great!
It might not look like it where you are now but, you need to trust the process.
Over the years, I’ve tried so hard to understand people’s behaviors.
Their personalities, why they act they way they do, their anger, and other expressions.
As humans, it is natural to judge a book by its cover. we might disagree with this but it’s the truth.
I’ve met people for the first time and judge them just from a conversation.
I’ve been bitter towards people because they were unkind to me a certain time.
I’ve been unfriendly to people because I felt they were also unfriendly to me so reciprocating the energy was the best option for me.
Some times back, I was so deep in my thoughts and I asked myself, “Opane, do you take a moment to really know why people behave the way they do” I couldn’t answer myself.
Then, I did some research on human behavior and I was amazed at the things I discovered.
People behave based on where they come from, the orientation they received while growing up, trauma from past experiences, what they see or read, how they feel others perceive them.
There are so many reasons why people behave the way they do.
I always try to know people on a deeper level from the way they communicate, how they react to certain situations, their perspective about life in general.
I could easily detect a person’s mood just by communicating with them and that gives me a clue on what to say and what not to say at that particular time.
You can meet a person that lashes out at any slight inconvenience.
That could be his/her own way of expressing emotions.
The possible reasons could be stress or a trigger from an experience.
One would want to know why this person is like that and the interesting part is, this person that always lashes out is the most sweetest person to others.
I’ve met so many people like this.
Personally, I am a very reserved person.
I barely make friends easily or initiate conversations with strangers especially.
I always get the “you are too quiet” or “you don’t like people” line all the time.
I feel I have to be comfortable around people.
I have to trust people to be able to create a space for them.
I met someone who everyone feels is unapproachable or hostile to an extent.
Getting to know this person, I discovered that the environment this person comes from is a factor to the behavior.
One could see that there’s always a defense coming from this person especially towards people who openly show their dislike.
When dealing with people, always do these things:
Always understand the behavior
Communicate clearly
Always show empathy
Consider people’s backgrounds
Be respectful
Practice mindfulness
Don’t take things personally
Always show love regardless
Opane_
Men’s mental health awareness
When I started writing about mental health, I got inspired by people around me.
Daily, I see people going through so much but always keep a smile.
Anytime I ask the question “how are you doing? “
I always get the “I am fine” response
To be honest, I am one of those people 🙂
Most times, we carry burdens too heavy for us and then fall when it gets too heavy.
It’s men’s mental health awareness month and I wonder if men also go through mental health issues.
While growing up, I used to see only the women going through a lot of issues but the men always smile and make sure things go well especially in homes.
As I grew older, I discovered there are men who go through a lot of things.
Both the married and unmarried men.
These men go through rejection, pressure from family and friends, problems from work and home, decision making, and a lot of other problems.
As a man, you have to always be strong no matter what happens.
If a man opens up about his problems, the man is labeled “weak” by the society so he keeps to himself.
Dear men, it is very okay to seek help from a mental health specialist when needed.
You are not weak but strong when you seek help.
The society may talk down on you for being vulnerable or soft but, you grow stronger when you accept that you are mentally drained and need help.
Stay strong
Don’t be afraid to open up
You are loved and appreciated
Your decisions shouldn’t be from pressure
Never put your life on a hold
Be motivated
Opane_
A woman in pains
Her eyes were dark as her heart as she experienced pain. It was deep and intense, piercing through her veins.
Her whole being was numb, she couldn’t move.
It was dropping like a water pipe struggling to dispense water.
Flashbacks of regrets but there she was lifeless trying to become alive again.
For a moment, she thought about how life would be if she had kept it but then again, she thought about the damage it would’ve caused her.
She was so young, naive, and scared.
Her parents would’ve been disappointed but she was disappointed at herself.
Was she stupid?
Oh..
Maybe she was just wicked taking another life.
So many thoughts kept recycling but she was already in the moment of pain.
She wept like she was in a furnace without an escape route.
She felt hopeless, clueless, worthless, and lifeless.
Part of her fought to survive and live again.
At this point, it was a 50/50 chance for her.
The bleeding got worse and she got weaker.
Her life flashed back at her. The fear in her eyes explained so many things one couldn’t comprehend.
And there… I watched her go slowly in pains.
It was devastating and the most emotional scene I’ve seen in years.
Opane_
Life
So many times we wonder what life is but life is what it is.
There’s no better way to describe it but every moment of our lives describes it.
When I’m happy, life’s good but when I’m sad,life’s unfair.
The lines keep going but each line is either thin or thick.
It doesn’t matter what direction it goes but each road it takes determines if it’s going to be smooth or rough. It could start off smooth and ends up rough or starts off rough and ends up smooth. Either way, we keep going. we just want to get to the finish line without looking back at whatever we stumbled upon on our journey.
What if we never get to the finish line?
What if the journey was so rough we couldn’t get through?
Opane_
Being in a toxic space
A lot of times, we get consumed by the things we hear, the things we see, the people we interact with.
You wake-up in the morning and the first thing you see on the internet are toxic contents, sad news, and negative posts.
You engage in conversations and half of the things discussed are not even aligned with what you should be discussing and then you ask yourself what the problem is.
Most times, we develop mental health challenges from these things.
This moment you are happy and the next, you find yourself on another path.
You struggle to make things right and sometimes run away from what needs to be fixed.
That’s where the problem comes. We run away from what we feel, what should be done, the truth , how to fix them and when to fix them.
We embrace what we want to hear or see from a different place forgetting what reality should look like.
We embrace a lot of toxic and negative behaviors that keeps us on a spot.
We need to be aware of the signs that comes with them and also have healthy boundaries in place.
Take care of yourself in every way you can.
Guard your mind and thoughts.
Watch where you go to and the people you listen to. Their perspective might be different from yours but don’t let it rub on you especially if it doesn’t match yours.
Remember to always be positive regardless.
Rejection
Rejection means a lot of things from different perspectives.
It comes with a lot of emotions we have to deal with.
The funny thing is, some people grew with it from childhood to adulthood while some met it along the way.
Rejection does not have to come from the big things, it comes from the very little things too.
Rejection from family, colleagues, friends, society, or partners is a very painful and devastating state to be in but, how you respond says if you want to heal from it or remain where it met you.
Rejection affects one’s self worth and esteem. You begin to think there’s something wrong with you or maybe you are not just good enough.
As a child, you begin to see life in a different perspective. You start to grow in your own world filled with so many pictures and traumas that grows with you to a point you build a strong wall around you in fear of being rejected again.
You become scared of attachments which results to you pushing people away when they try to get close..Hey!!! This happens to adults too.
Oh yes, someone is already trying to figure out why some people behave the way they do. Rejection is a whole lot of weight to carry but, you could make that weight very light by being intentional about your mental health.
Personally, I feel why people get sick (in all areas) after being rejected by anyone or anything is the fact that there was no communication whatsoever to why there was a “Rejection“ in the first place.
Communication within yourself and communication from other parties. It feels difficult but, that’s the first step to getting healed.
Sadly, everyone has in one way or the other experienced rejection.
it is said that, the brain response to rejection is similar to physical pain.
It is even more painful if you are a very sensitive person. It hits differently.
You practically live in self denial and rejection because your brain can not carry it all. You become psychologically, mentally, and emotionally sick.
That’s the point you need to get up and face yourself and those “DEMONS”
Accept the rejection. it’s going to really be a hard one but that’s even a bigger step.
Allow yourself to feel it in anyway.
Understand it. Ask yourself questions.
Where did this rejection come from?
How did it happen?
How should I take it?
Should I keep living in it or get back on my feet and face it?
Never ever blame yourself. That’s a wrong thing to do when faced with rejection.
It’s not always about you or your flaws.
Love yourself. Don’t be hard on yourself. Allow people that genuinely love, respect and care for you around you.
Don’t chase them away.
If it requires you seeking professional help, please… do that immediately.
The best part… Always remember God never rejects you regardless.
Waiting
We all have different perspectives when it comes to waiting.
To some, waiting is a period when one stays in one place hoping for something to happen.
I had a discussion with a friend and she was like “oh, sometimes I feel so tired waiting on something. I have prayed about it but it seems there’s nothing happening” at that moment, I just smiled because I sometimes feel that way.
Do you know why we feel discouraged while waiting?
1. We give up easily
2. We give ourselves deadlines
3. We listen to people.
Waiting can be difficult. It comes with so many mental, psychological, spiritual,and emotional battles.
I remember years ago, I was trusting God for something. The waiting period was not an easy one. I became frustrated and exhausted. My mind became so occupied with negative things. I wanted giving up and accepting whatever comes but, I read a random stuff online and I took it so personal. I realized sometimes, we have to be deliberate about receiving whatever we want regardless of whatever discouraging words we hear from friends, family, and colleagues. Most situations are the way they are because we allow them. You might be working and praying so hard but yet no results.
Oh God! Why is it always this way?
Today I am so confident that things will work out and tomorrow I don’t even know if I really can wait.
This is you and me most times.
While waiting, we need people around us that can carry the weight with us. People that would pray with and for us.
People that would give us reasons not to give up and stop believing.
People we can connect with spiritually.
People that won’t see believing God for an impossible situation as being overly dramatic or spiritual.
No matter what happens, there are things we can only fix when we genuinely believe.
I love listening to testimonies from people because there’s this unusual peace that comes with it.
Whatever you have been waiting for is worth the wait.
Don’t give up.
Stay positive while waiting.
Your situation and miracle can be someone else’s testimony.
Believe and trust God.
FAITH, BELIEVE, SPOKEN WORDS.
Last year wasn’t the best or perfect year for me but regardless, I still had so many reasons to smile because a queen or a king cannot be drained just like that🙂.
Being someone that overthinks almost everything, I have always had to deal with so many thoughts.
If you are in this same shoes, I bet you can relate perfectly. Sometimes, you want to just live outside your thoughts and just be free but again, you cannot run away from them.
You have to face them and fight them.
Thoughts are very powerful!
They develop in time when you give room for them to be nurtured.
The past year, I had to fight them physically, mentally, spiritually, and psychologically. Believe me, it wasn’t a pleasant one.
At some point, I gave in to them because my mind had already accommodated them. My mind became so occupied with too many unnecessary garbage I allowed.
I was mentally sick but, physically stressed and that was because I couldn’t carry the weight any longer.
But, you know what?
I realized I became so sad about things I couldn’t figure out. Things I don’t even know where they came from.
I also figured it was the devil playing tricks on me.
One day, I stood in front of my mirror and spoke to myself.
I asked myself why I allowed myself to accept defeat.
How did I ever get here?
Why did I ever allow my thoughts and mind to cloud over me?
So many questions I asked myself looking into my eyes through the mirror I was standing in front of.
And then, I called my name and told myself that I am not weak but the strong woman that I have always been.
I proclaimed positive words to myself and afterwards, I became so happy with myself but, there’s one thing that kept me bound..DOUBT!!!
something I had to fight again.
DOUBT is a very terrible thing that can keep you far away from the manifestations of things you BELIEVE.
I had to pray really hard and also read spiritual books that I am thankful for. For a moment, my mindset changed again.
I began to proclaim and confess things I want to see for myself.
I called out things I wasn’t seeing and believing I could see into existence.
Let me tell you something…
The only voice you should listen to is GOD when faced with challenges especially when you have a strong believe about a thing.
it’s okay to seek advise from family and friends but, what if their ‘believe’ is not same as yours?
You might say to a friend that you need a million for something but, you do not have it at that particular time but you believe it’s coming.
Imagine the friend laughing at you. It doesn’t mean the friend is a bad person nooo..the difference between you and that friend is ‘believe’.
This taught me a lot…
Opane_
Opane_ 